I have one of those "unlawful to remove" tags...

Tiki thinks I'm a chair.

My people love two things. Me and sports. I know this. Tiki, apparently, does not. Shane's work gave him tickets to all of the NBA All-Star Events in Dallas last weekend and he had everything ready to pack, including the tickets, waiting on the bed to go in the suitcase. Tiki likes to play with things and rip them to shreds. This is a bad combination. While Cassandra was in the bath and Shane was at Tennis, here's what Tiki did to the tickets --

To be honest, I'm kind of surprised she still lives here.

We all love to do it, who wouldn't? Butts are fantastic. I don't even care if it's a dog, a person, or even a mouse (yes, a mouse, but just once when I was experimenting after racing). You can't just go right in like a maniac. You're not going to win any friends that way. You have to start politely, and then see where it goes from there.

The Technique 

Just remember these few points and you'll be fine.

1) First of all, the most important thing to keep in mind, is make sure the owner of the butt you're interested knows you're there. I like to do a quick little circle around the whole dog (usually) to make sure everyone is aware that I'm here, and that I have intentions of getting to know you.

2) A quick look in the eye says "You can trust me." Don't be afraid to make eye contact. Heck, I even winked once.

3) Standing up, go sniff that butt; Sitting down, leave it on the ground. I like a good butt-sniff as much as the next dog, but it's just not worth getting dirty over. There are always other opportunities. Be patient. Dirt in your nose is WAY not fun... and then there always the chance that the butt is currently "in use." Just play it safe.

4) Work front to back. Start with the nose, make your way to the tail. You don't have dessert before dinner, do you?

5) Don't be selfish. It's fine to do your share of sniffing, but make yourself available too. In fact, go the extra mile. Since I'm so tall, I like to lean down a little bit sometimes for the smaller dogs to see what a real role model smells like.

Sticky Situations

We hate to admit it, but sometimes we accidently come upon some substance that we probably wish we hadn't gotten into. Fortunately, though, I have a tip for those of you who have this problem in the future. Since the people are much better at cleaning us than we are, make sure they notice the foreign substance. The best way I've found to get them to notice is to rub your head (or other infected area) on the carpets and furniture. You're sure to get cleaned ASAP!

The neighbor kids were playing outside today when I went out to say "Hi" after my walk. There was a stuffed dog that I didn't realize was fake, and I tried to "meet" it but it wasn't very responsive.

Next, they put the stuffed dog on my to see if I would carry it around... Well, I did.

I understand that you're not used to a dog wearing shoes. There are logical reasons. Let's count.

1. I look awesome
2. The snow I have to walk on every day is very cold and my patience is growing thin.
3. I have a bunch of new collars, why not wear shoes too?
4. It makes my feet look bigger. That would imply a lot, you know, if you couldn't already see everything I have to offer.
5. Officially 25% classier than bare feet.
6. More efficient butt kicking.

Introducing my new feature. Enjoy!

From my time walking around the neighborhood and the city I've noticed there's been quite a bit of interest in me. Everyone wants to know all about me -- to hear my life's story. Mostly, I just want them to pet me. But... because everyone seems so nosy and interested, I've put together answers to the most frequently asked questions that are asked (usually in the third person like I'm not there) while I'm out on walks and meeting new people in a little segment I like to call "A-FAQs". (Get it? My name is Ajax, and A-FAQs rhymes with my name which is appropriate because these are all frequently asked questions about me, Ajax the dog.)

1. How old is he?

My birthdate is November 29, 2004. You do the math. I'm a dog.

2. Was he adopted?

Yes.

3. How much does he weigh?

My racing weight was 80 lbs. I'm currently trying to gain about 5 pounds or so because I'm a little on the thin side.

4. Did he race?

Of course I raced. We all race. That's what we do.

5. Where did he race?

Raynham-Taunton Greyhound Park (www.raynhamparkfun.com). I really wish it was Wonderland, because that's much easier to say. My last race was on July 26, 2008 and I got last place.

6. What was his racing name?

My racing name was Steel.

7. What is his name?

My name is Ajax.

8. Oh! Ajax like the cleaner?

No. Just Ajax.

9. Ajax like the web technology?

Nope. Just Ajax.

10. That's after the greek mythological character?

No. It's just my freaking name.

11. There's a soccer team in Europe called Ajax...

(showing teeth and growling)

12. What kind of dog is he?

Are you serious? I look exactly like the dog on the side of the giant busses. I can't believe I have to actually tell people this, but I'm a greyhound.

12a. He isn't grey, though...

First of all, that isn't a question, but even if it was it would be a stupid one.

12b. Is it true that there are no stupid questions?

No. That's not true at all. People say that so that they don't look dumb.

13. You're a good boy, aren't you? You're sooo pretty! Aren't you just a sweety?

Yes. Yes I am.

14. Is it a boy or a girl dog?

There are two ways to tell. Look underneath me or smell my breath.

15. How did Ajax learn how to write a blog?

How did you NOT know that I was a greyhound?

16. Can you sit?

No. And I'm not especially interested in learning.

17. Ajax, do you want to go for a ride in the car?

Yes! Yes! Yes I do! I really really do! I want to go now. Please let's go quickly! Come on, let's go! What are we waiting for? Let's go ride in the car!