For your third birthday, my friend Tiki, I give you this tribute:

I'm prettier and those people are mine! You stay off my part of the bed and stop yapping all the freaking time while I'm trying to sleep! I'M THE BOSS!

 Happy birthday.

The good news: I got to ride in the car today.

The bad news: I got stuck with needles, wrestled to the ground, flipped on my back, and had metal clips pinch the parts of me that would have nipples if I weren't too good for them.

I had my annual vet visit today. Generally I like the vet's office pretty well, because there are a ton of things to smell, there are usually other animals to meet, and I get to ride in the car to get there. Today wasn't great though. I had to get a couple vaccinations which I didn't mind too much, but the doctor noticed an irregularity in my heartbeat, so he wanted to take an EKG to analyze. They made me lay down, which I'm not a big fan of without a bed, and a I really don't like to lay down when I'm in an unfamiliar place. I tried to be as difficult as I could. I squirmed and squirmed, but it just didn't work too well. I ended up pinned, but at least I did get the vet to scold his animal-nurse-man or whatever they're called (the guy that was helping him). He kept telling him he was doing things wrong, which was fun, I guess. In fact, I'm the only one he was nice to. He's generally kind of a jerk to people, but likes pets. Kind of like an Anti-Mike-Vick.

At least it's done for now. I don't know what the fuss is about. I'm feeling fine and came home and played with my squeaky steak and slept. And oh yeah? That four minutes of being hooked to the EKG? That's $40 my people don't have to spend on treats and toys for me now! Is anyone else's vet as exhorbant as mine about charging a lot for every little thing? Seems like every time I go in it's at least $175!

We all love to do it, who wouldn't? Butts are fantastic. I don't even care if it's a dog, a person, or even a mouse (yes, a mouse, but just once when I was experimenting after racing). You can't just go right in like a maniac. You're not going to win any friends that way. You have to start politely, and then see where it goes from there.

The Technique 

Just remember these few points and you'll be fine.

1) First of all, the most important thing to keep in mind, is make sure the owner of the butt you're interested knows you're there. I like to do a quick little circle around the whole dog (usually) to make sure everyone is aware that I'm here, and that I have intentions of getting to know you.

2) A quick look in the eye says "You can trust me." Don't be afraid to make eye contact. Heck, I even winked once.

3) Standing up, go sniff that butt; Sitting down, leave it on the ground. I like a good butt-sniff as much as the next dog, but it's just not worth getting dirty over. There are always other opportunities. Be patient. Dirt in your nose is WAY not fun... and then there always the chance that the butt is currently "in use." Just play it safe.

4) Work front to back. Start with the nose, make your way to the tail. You don't have dessert before dinner, do you?

5) Don't be selfish. It's fine to do your share of sniffing, but make yourself available too. In fact, go the extra mile. Since I'm so tall, I like to lean down a little bit sometimes for the smaller dogs to see what a real role model smells like.

Sticky Situations

We hate to admit it, but sometimes we accidently come upon some substance that we probably wish we hadn't gotten into. Fortunately, though, I have a tip for those of you who have this problem in the future. Since the people are much better at cleaning us than we are, make sure they notice the foreign substance. The best way I've found to get them to notice is to rub your head (or other infected area) on the carpets and furniture. You're sure to get cleaned ASAP!

Look what I got yesterday - a matching leash and collar set made especially for me. The stripes make me look so distinguished, although Shane called me a sissy. How could a fast dog like me be a sissy? i am  trendsetter!

On Saturday Cassandra spent a lot of time ignoring me, but in the end I got a brand new pretty blue collar. It even has light blue stiching on the edges that makes me look handsome. There was a loud machine where she put the pieces together and when it came time to put the hardware on it, Shane had to help (and left me all alone!). A few minutes later, I got a fancy new collar!

I've heard rumors of "dots" and even "flames" as additions to my wardrobe.

A whisper came through the dark. "Ajax."

Another, more forceful. "Ajax."

No longer a whisper, her voice rang out, "Ajax!" Then again... "AJAX! Wake up!"

Uuuuuuugggghhhh. What do you people want from me? My internal clock said it was only 4:32 AM. Even for a work day, this was too early to be waking up. I lay peacefully motionless, hoping they would just go back to sleep and leave me alone. It didn't stop. "Ajax, let's get up. It's time to get up." My head was lifted with a foot, and then she got out of bed. I was stifled at the reasoning for this disturbance.

Reluctantly, I gathered myself and followed her downstairs. I was hardly even excited for dinner (I call breakfast "dinner" too). By the time I had finished my walk, it was not even 5 AM and I was not getting to go back to bed. The people were awake, the lights were on, and they were in the midst of leaving. Not long after, they explained it to me (they talk to me a lot like I'm always listening). "Ajax, I have to go to the airport and I won't see you for a few days, but I'll be back," she began. Then he filled in. "But I'll be here with you. We will play together this weekend, okay? You just have to wait until I get back from work. I'll try to come home a little early."

All I know is that I didn't hear the word "dinner" or "bed" in there anywhere, and that's not promising. Anyway, it looks like I'm without Cassandra for a few days, so I'm making a wish list of things that I would like to do with Shane while she's gone.

1. Sleep, please.
2. Beach day!
3. Dog park
4. Walk in downtown Salem or Boston.
5. Go on a field trip with my friends Rose and/or Brutus.
6. Explore the fenced in baseball field down the street. Maybe chase a ball.
7. Learn to skydive.
8. Practice my tricks and turning on the fireplace.
9. Ride in the car... anywhere.

I have big plans and big hopes -- mostly that food will be involved.

Today Shane and Cassandra took me on a walk to the woods with a bunch of other fun dogs. I decided to share my experiences with some drawings since they didn't take any cute pictures of me.

At first I was mostly interested in the new smells, but then I found out that walking in the woods with a bunch of dogs is pretty much like a moving dog park. So then I decided I should be the referee to all the other dogs when they are playing. I made sure everyone got along and was safe while playing.  I really liked running along the trail showing everyone how fast and fun I am.

Here's a drawing of me and my friend Rose walking on the trail in the woods.

We turned a corner and there was a big lake on the right. All the other dogs headed to the lake to play, so I followed. But this lake was weird. I started walking right on top of the water without getting wet. Something didn't feel right and then suddenly the ground beneath me broke and I was in ice cold water. It was so cold and I was so scared - I had no idea what was going on! I just froze (literally) and waited for something to happen. My front paws managed to stay on top of the ice, but my back end was stuck in the water up to my tail.

Here's a drawing of me caught in the icy lake.

Even though I didn't know what to do, Cassandra was already on her way to rescue me. She started breaking all the ice to get to me and when she got there, she grabbed my collar to try to help me out. I was still unsure about everything so she had to pull kind of hard. She kept breaking the ice so I had a path to get out of the water. I sure was glad when I got out of there. So cold!

Here's a drawing of Cassandra saving me.

Everyone was very concerned with me when I got out of the water and I got a lot of extra attention. Cassandra borrowed a rag from Nancy (Rose's human) to dry me off and make sure I was ok. I kept shaking a lot to dry off and try to get warm. It was easy to move on, though. By the time 5 minutes were passed, I was up to my usual refereeing and happy self and I had forgotten about the icy lake.

I really wore myself out today, so when we got home Shane and Cassandra turned on football and I only woke up to write in my blog.

Here's me "enjoying" football.

Thanks to everyone who helped me get warm again so quickly and being concerned if I was OK. I think i made it look worse than it was, though. Maybe next time I'll rescue somebody instead of being the victim. Although the attention was nice...

An open letter to Facebook on behalf of me, Ajax the Greyhound:

 Dear Facebook,

You recently disabled and removed my facebook account citing a violation of the Facebook terms of use. I read over these terms of use in between walks, dinner, and learning to turn on the fireplace. I found that basically, a facebook account must:

• Represent an individual
• Not be a misrepresentation
• Not be an advertisement
• Cannot be fabricated material

After review, you have disabled my account in error. I am not making an account for someone else, I am an individual, and I'm certainly not advertising anything. Everything I've written in my profile is truthful. This leads me to believe that you have made this mistake because of any / all of the following:

• Facebook has the intelligence of a cat
• Facebook is run by dog-haters and abusers
• Facebook is, in fact, breaking their own terms of use and misrepresenting their terms of use whereby I actually AM violating the terms of use.
• Facebook doesn't believe I am an individual (this leads back to the intelligence of a cat)
• Facebook was built on a foundation of pure concentrated evil.

In conclusion, I hate you Facebook.

-Jaxie

Welcome to election day everyone. Again, I got passed over for official US citizenship, so I am still ineligible to vote. Since I can't cast an offical ballot for the state of Massachusetts this year, I give you my unofficial greyhound ballot.

ELECTORS OF PRESIDENT AND VICE PRESIDENT

Baldwin and Castle
Barr and Root
McCain and Palin
McKinney and Clementa
Nader and Gonzalez
Obama and Biden

I get really excited every night when I hear "Nader! Nader! Nader! Nader! Nader! Nader! Nader! Nader! Nader! Nader! Nader! Nader!" so I have to vote for him!

SENATOR IN CONGRESS

John F. Kerry
Jefferey K. Beatty
Robert J. Underwood

I just can't vote for someone named "Beatty." I got "Beatty'd" enough on the track!

REPRESENTATIVE IN CONGRESS

John F. Tierney
Richard A. Baker

I can't turn down a good baker.

OTHER SELECTIONS

Chicken Treats
Beef Treats
Cheese Treats
Vegetables

Prancing
Running
Walking

Sit
Lay Down
Hide
Touch

Dog Park Day
Football Day

Anything Else
Sleeping

QUESTION ONE: ELIMINATE STATE INCOME TAX

I vote "NO" on question 1 because, well, I don't really care. My income doesn't qualify for taxes anyway, so I don't mind having a state income tax!

QUESTION TWO: DECRIMINALIZE MARAJUANA

I vote "NO" because as we stated before, I have no income, therefore I cannot buy Marajuana. If I can't have any, nobody else should have any either!

QUESTION THREE: PHASE OUT GREYHOUND RACING

I vote "YES"! I didn't realize it at the time, but living in a home is soooo much better than living on the track. I really like being a pet instead of a racing dog. I know the racing people are probably just going to move to other states and keep racing greyhounds, but it's a start. And as for people losing their "jobs"... Most of them have skills that can be used elsewhere, like selling concessions. The few others have well over a year to find another job. Not a big problem at all.

This is what I think of your effing fall catalog!